Australian news banana The Daily Skingraph are reporting on the great news about Michael Jackson climbing out of a sheep in a small village in Turkey. The singer is believed to have transcended all realms of life and death in the shortest possible time, in order not to delay his comeback career concert dates.
Many were questioning the claim, but suddenly converted to Believeism after seeing photographs of the hairless, white, man-faced body that emerged, gloop and all.
The local governer claims that this was the result of “an unnatural relationship between the female goat and a man”, further suggesting that Mr. Jackson may be his own father.
Jackson later gave the vets that delivered him a startling rendition of “The way you make me feel”, before serenading them with “Liberian Girl”, which was broadcast about the Middle East, ending all conflicts in the region.