There is a growing trend on the, once reputable, BBC News Website to give webtime (1.06 seconds x clicks per index finger) to increasingly preposterous stories. The trend with these stories appears to be to find an event that allows for the most insane headline ever, presumably to draw in web clickers (surfers) with their promise of tales from the depths of BizarroLand. While some do have stories which out-do their headline I feel they are best enjoyed as a series of headlines, leaving your brain muscles to squeeze out an appropriate mind picture.
Below I have gathered up some of my favourites from the past year.
Lettuce nose-stuffer avoids jail
I hope his plea was “Aw, lettuce go.”
Teacake set to cost taxman £3.5m
Ambassador with these teacakes you are really… bankrupting the country….
Gers star hurt by exploding egg
Microwaving an egg, what could possible go wr-AAGGGHHH MY EYES!!!
US ‘banana gun robber’ slips up
Special mention for the amazing quote of“If he had had a gun he would’ve shot me,” Mr Mabe told the Winston-Salem Journal newspaper. “But he had a banana.”
‘Duck island’ claim MP to retire
“It’s real I tells ye! Real!!!! Ah screw it I quit.”
Retiring Army goat’s new zoo home
What a fall from grace.
Glowing monkeys ‘to aid research’
If by research you mean “underground rave parties in Soho.”
Science ponders ‘zombie attack’
I’m not sure what’s worse. The fact that they bothered to write this article or that one of their sources is “Professor Robert Smith?” (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake)”.
Good thing we have Professor Neil!
“My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it’s dead forever”
Professor Neil Ferguson
New warning on ‘perfect vaginas’
Better safe than sorry.
MILF holds priest hostage.
Stockholm Syndrome takes a new twist