Berlusconi Wins Jam Donut Eat-a-thon

Italian Premieristo Silvio Berlusconi has won the annual Milan Jam Donut Eat-a-thon. Picture here moments after devouring his final obstacle, Mr. Berlusconi was rushed away to a local cafe to drink copious amounts of tea, which many believe to be a good companion for the dough-based jam sacks.

The trophy – a 1:50,000 scale of the Milan Cathedral that hosted the event – was received by Mr. Berlusconi between his gums, as both front teeth had rotted from his head during the high-sugar event.

His closest competitor, a mentally unstable Milan resident, was furious at losing, and has ordered himself to be arrested by police and to receive bruises under a wet sack in a darkened cell.

Before being shuttled away by adoring security guards, Berlusconi proudly showed the crowd the face of an easy-going government, reminding them them that political class and circumstance should never get in the way of gorging oneself senseless.

“Mney mneynlem mnyem!”

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