Henry Celebrated for Initiating Era of Hand 2.0 Compliancy


Humans around the world welcomed in a new era last night, after French footballer Terence Henry dazzlingly smashed the crusty old rules of yester-year in a stadium packed with flag wavers and clothes wearers. In harsh times gone by, humans were relegated to the degrading habit of using their feet and hands for a limited and specific set of tasks, as was clearly defined by The Book of Appendages, which came from outer space and gave birth to the term “handy”.

But not anymore! During the exciting net-filling festival, the Frenchman asploded the minds of many-a-man by usurping the over-lords of boredom and hand-pushed the football to his foot, before casually returning to old habits under no social or archaic pressures, and footed the spherical leather pouch to his team mate. Spectaters at the scene vibrated their larynx to maximum effect and waved their bodies in fits of agreement. The Irish team even halted their actions to inform the referee just how awesomely mind-blowing the whole incident was.

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“Ref! You won’t believe what I’ve just seen!!!”

Irish coach Giovanni Clap-your-hands-says-Tony mimmicked the hand gesture from the side-lines, before turning to the bench and shouting, “IT’S HAND 2.0 COMPLIANCY!!!”

However, a furore has brewed in this Fisher Price tea cup. Many are asking for the event to be re-staged as not enough people captured reflected photons of light carrying information about the incident using their eyequipment. They hope that Mr. Henry can perform the same maneuver in an attempt to encourage more people to do the same. Hand 2.0 Compliancy is being billed as the “next” big “thing”, and is something governments around the world have long been discussing, in an attempt to simulatenously move all levels of society forward.

Mr. Henry has extended his thanks to all those who support his actions, and has vowed to push Hand 2.0 Compliancy to the forefront of everyone’s agenda by replacing his entire right arm with a giant hand. Henry will be spending the next two weeks travelling to disadvantaged schools where stunted children can share in the joy of signing his hand and showering in the sweat from his palm.

Henry – “Bastard”

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