Weekly News Explosion

Like a young boy who just dropped his ice-cream, the R520 reflects on moments passed and wonders why we didn’t take more of a firm grip on the 99 Cone of Reality:

– Everyone died – Yes, we lost one of our great hopes for Olympic gold, a chef, and an actor all in the space of 24 hours. Thank God no one important in the banking and finance sector died…

Mourners gathered in Afghanistan for the launching of the dead celebrities to the orbiting Plasma Dome of Famosity.

– Speaking of, the Irish government cemented a roulette wheel into our financial future after unveiling the details of NAMA, the Not Arsed or Motivated Anymore body of rules which has, in effect, rewarded the most flagrantly ignorant and reckless financial decisions in the last ninety years with €54 Billion of tax-payer’s money. I wonder what I’ll be rewarded with when I submit this year’s tax return after wiping my arse with it?

– CIE and Veolia Transport sent their mightiest warriors into a two-way sardine-can smash-pact, with the LUAS emerging as the Supreme Victor of the Realm of O’Connell Street. Spectators demanded an immediate investigation of the result, asking such questions as, was it an electrics problem and what country were the drivers from? The losing No. 16 bus was transported back to the Phibsborough bus depot where it will be used as the flag-ship vehicle in Dublin Bus’s new “E-Z Hop-On” service, which is already under fire from citics for forcing passengers through the one, permanent gaping “doorway”.

– It’s been discovered that trying to type a blog while “Night at the Museum” plays in the background is soul destroying. Never before has the human spirit been subjected to the most concious-tainting dross since people first began to find Robin Williams funny. Oh and here he is! That bastard has spent more on cocaine than I’ll earn in my entire life. … Boy I wish I was in that first paragraph.

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