Old Man Dies Peacefully For Second Time

For the second time in his death life death? life a 62 year-old man has died off his bicycle in the heart of Dublin City.

It is believed that the accident was caused by a wasp carrying some pasta, which the wasp found too heavy and dropped onto the cyclist’s nonce-box somewhere in the region of his hair. Witnesses say that the impact was a low one, but that the then-living corpse swung his head about wildly, flailing his toungue like the flipper of an angry sealion in a desperate attempt to catch the morsel of wasptritus. Failing to notice the thousands of blades of grass in front of him, the spazclist wound up on the fat end of his pedal machine.

One of the witnesses, an American tourist, commented with “Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ! Who is this asshole?” before wandering of to play a game of frisbee with some men, one of whom was topless.

Upon contacting his wife for a comment, R520 members were told that “that Lazarus bastard can go bury himself”.

The R520 will tomorrow hold a vigil in memory of the man, which will probably just involve me secretly eating a Snickers in the toilet so my wife doesn’t find out.

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