US President Not To Skydive Into Damascus

Barack Obama, the first US president to be called Barack Obama, has decided not to visit Damascus by skydiving from a US troop carrier from approximately 22,000 feet.

Employing the opposite technique seen in this image, the famed leader was to employ the powers of gravity to accelerate his body from a flying metallic vessle at speeds that could reach 200 km/h, depending on how skinny and pointy he may have been. It was rumoured that President Obama was in “pin training”, a technique used by several elite US airforce troops that involves pushing thread through ones cranium, and weaving through some cloth, feet first.

It was later revealed that all of this was a complete misunderstanding after the American word for “Autumn” was used in a report about him no longer visiting the Syrian capital later this year.

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